Friendly Fire: A Young Boy’s Handy-Dandy Massacre Guide

Hi kids!
Did someone pick on you in the schoolyard? Did a bigger (possibly ethnic minority or foreign) kid say you had cooties? Does that make you sad?
Hey there, little guy, wipe away those tears! Captain Colt Magnum is here to help.
What do you mean you don’t know where to look? Why not take a peek under Daddy’s bed? Don’t look at the dirty books. If you see boobies before you are 10, God will make your dick fall off. It says so in the Bible – right after the mistranslated part on why fags are evil. Just take the big shiny gun, slip it in your school bag.
Next time the strange boy with a prayer mat picks on you, simply point your gun at him and pull the trigger. Daddy’s a fuckwit, so it’ll be loaded, and there sure as fuck is no automatic safety.
There. The bad man is all gone. You feel better now, don’t you?
Congratulations, you are now a patriot, and living proof that the 2nd amendment works. Hey, now you’re a REAL MAN, why not take a look at your next leaflet “Cowboys Smoke, and So Should You.” If you don’t, Mommy will fall in a well full of spikes.