Fowl play

The Confederation of Uzbek Necrophilia Tractates (incorporating the Philandering Institute of Scientific Sciences) is currently offering funding for research into crane-related eating disorders 1907-1907. The successful applicant will be required to live a quasi-nomadic lifestyle with a pack of cranes for up to three hours over a period of three years. The topic for 2007 is “Crane vs Cormorant: A study of edible fowl delinquency” and the expected outcome is a 10 page report (double spaced) written in a known language that will form the basis of larger, possible more comprehensive study, possibly single spaced. The grant, essentially worthless, will provide travel to and from Walthamstow, accomodation and up to 0.5% or £0.076 towards a salary, whichever one works out cheaper. The successful applicant will also receive a free lifetime membership to the Lichtenstein Women's Lawn Bowls Association, entitling the bearer to discounts on staplers and other assorted office goods at selected stores throughout the principality. There are no set deadlines except for human applicants. Please consult with your local human organisation for more info.